What attracts you initially to a girl? Personality or appearance? What aspects of personality or appearance specifically? Do you think you differ from other men in that respect, and if so, how?
It isn't necessarily one or the other -- it's a combination of the two. Very initially, it's usually appearance, because it takes a little while (although often not more than a few minutes) to experience enough of someone's personality to be attracted to it, whereas guys can judge a girl's attractiveness in a matter of seconds before they say a word. (We tend to make quick judgements on those sorts of things). I've known girls who thought that they had to have eye-catching looks in order to get guys interested enough to discover their personality. That isn't the case for me (I don't think), and I'd say that any guy who won't even talk to a girl he isn't immediately attracted to based on her looks is a guy who isn't worth attracting in the first place. Looks are less of an absolute than girls seem to think; often a good personality causes a guy to start noticing a girl's looks when he might not have before.
As far as things I notice specifically: for looks, the aspect I notice first is generally the face, and for personality, I tend to be initially attracted if she is an engaging conversationalist, and can speak intelligently. I think I'm similar to other guys in both respects.
How do you know you have chemistry with someone?
This is difficult to answer; it's not something I've thought a lot about -- it's easy for me to tell whether or not I do, but it's not easy to understand what lead me to that conclusion. I'd say that I know I have chemistry with someone if I'm conscious of a strong desire to be physically affectionate with them.
How much stock do you put in physical attraction?
It is a necessity, but not the only necessity. Sometimes physical attraction / chemistry / sparks do not develop at first, but I would not consider becoming involved with someone I was not physically attracted to at the time; nor would I become involved with someone simply because I had a strong physical attraction towards them.
Would you date a taller woman? How tall is too tall? Does being seen with a taller woman make you feel uncomfortable?
No, I wouldn't (as long as by "taller" you mean "taller than me"). It's a psychological issue, and while this may seem like some latent expression of low self-esteem, it would bother me to have to look up to someone I was supposed to be leading.
What do you think about women wearing makeup. Not a ton of makeup, but just a moderate amount. Would you prefer to see women without it? (This question is coming from the perspective of a woman wearing makeup as to cover up certain blemishes or the like.)
I don't have any problem with makeup in general, but I think that women sometimes dig their own graves with the stuff. When they're using it and guys like them, they can always think "well, he just likes this face I've put on -- he doesn't like the real me, with all my blemishes and imperfections." I'd say that a good choice is to wear makeup in social situations or other occasions where you want to be very "presentable," but don't act as though the guy won't like you if he sees you without it -- give him the opportunity to observe and accept your imperfections.
What is the most important personality trait you look for in a girl?
Aside from godliness, the most important personality trait I look for is a woman's ability to think well and communicate her thoughts. Relationships require a lot of talking, and it's absolutely necessary that we be able to think about issues together and communicate our thoughts clearly.
What is your opinion of "ditzy" girls? And what about a girl makes you think she is "ditzy"?
They are a complete turn-off! To me, the biggest clue that a girl is ditzy is that she does not think or speak about anything outside her immediate microcosm. She has her television shows, her friends, her magazines, her makeup, shopping, etc, and those are her world; she is self-centered and spends all her time in this tiny segment of the real world. If a girl talks about issues that don't directly affect her, or shows an interest in more abstract thinking, those are signs that she is not ditzy.
How important is it to have a girlfriend you can show off - i.e., whose good qualities are obvious to everyone (performance ability, good looks, etc.)?
It's of secondary importance, but it is still important. I'd say that it is necessary that the girlfriend not have many negative qualities that are obvious to everyone -- a bad temper, annoying personality, slobby appearance -- but it is not necessary that her good qualities be the sort that everyone sees right off the bat. It's good thing, though; guys judge each other on the quality of their spouses. Having a girlfriend who has obviously good qualities makes a guy feel proud that he is the one who "caught" her, because he knows that other guys are probably thinking about how lucky he is, and what a great guy he must be if he was able to attract so fine a girlfriend.
When a girl has an obvious defect (i.e. She can't cook, or can't play sports, or can't do something else you consider "standard"), how much does that throw you off, when you consider being attracted to her?
That depends, of couse, on what the defect is! There are very few defects that, invididually, are enough to prevent me from being attracted to a girl, unless they are character flaws such as dishonesty, etc. However, if a woman has many such defects, it's enough to make me consider whether or not my attraction is justified.
Do you prefer girls who are able to play sports, or do you like the girl just as well who is completely incapable of playing them? How much does it matter to you?
It matters to me personally very little -- probably because I am mostly incapable of playing many sports! Competence in social sports such as volleyball is more important than participance in competitive sports. I prefer it when women are at least willing to enjoy doing poorly at a sport, rather than sulking and refusing to participate whenever a group decides to play a sport against their wishes.
How much does a woman's weight factor into her attractiveness?
It varies. I would say that overall, it matters a great deal less than women seem to think it does -- our society idealizes skinny, underweight women. Many of the women I've been attracted to would probably consider themselves overweight when compared to the "perfect" woman or even most other women. But weight is a very personal issue; it is influenced to a great degree by genetics, build, etc. I've known very few women whose weight is actually a turn-off.
This can be taken too far, though. A little extra weight is fine, but obesity to the point of obvious physical unhealthiness can be a red flag: it is physically unattractive, and often signifies that a woman does not take care of herself and/or is undisciplined. It is not important that a woman be skinny or athletic; it is important that she takes care of her body and puts some effort into being presentable. Men want some assurance that women will continue keeping themselves presentable after they have "caught" their husband.
Why don't men find their female friends romantically interesting?
Many times, they do. They often are hesitant to express interest, though, for a number of reasons; fear of rejection if they think the girl probably does not find them romantically interesting is a common one. I think the most common reason a guy would stay quiet, though, is that he doesn't want to wreck the friendship at the moment. In such a case, he usually has a time of thinking about his feelings and being certain that they are "real" before he moves forward with them.
Sometimes men connect with women on what I would call a "sisterly" level -- it is possible for a man to enjoy spending a lot of time with a woman without developing romantic interest in her. Sometimes that is because he is not at all physically attracted to her or feels she would not be a good match.
What makes you first start to notice a girl you have known for a long time, who you've never noticed before?
It's hard to say. I haven't experienced that exact situation, but I have experienced something a little like it. What usually happens is the guy observes something relatively minor about the girl that is attractive to him (something new he hasn't seen or noticed before), and once he is thinking about her in that way, he begins to realize how attractive she is in other areas; then feelings follow.
Do you currently have romantic feelings for someone, but have not told them? When and how do you plan to tell them, if ever?
I have romantic feelings for someone, but I've already told them. (-:
How on earth can a girl tell if a guy is into her?
It varies from guy to guy. Good general signs include a lot of eye contact; persistent curiousity about your life, hobbies, personality, etc; tendency to stand or sit very close to you; and desire to talk with you at length.
I'm sorry to say this, but most guys have grown very adept at intentionally hiding their feelings from girls because of the way girls react. Many girls, when they learn of a guy's feelings through indirect means, suddenly attach themselves to the guy, talk to their friends as if they're already involved, and hear wedding bells in the future. Guys strongly dislike this. If you suspect a guy likes you, do not act like you know it, unless he has either told you up front about his feelings or has given blatantly obvious nonverbal signs. Let him be the man, take the lead, and admit his feelings first. Otherwise, he will probably resent the situation.
How do you feel about competition? If a girl is casually dating another guy (or two), does this situation motivate you to pursue her more or to give up?
That depends on the seriousness of the dating relationships she is in. No guy wants to be the annoying, pathetic loser who keeps chasing a girl who doesn't like him. No guy wants to be a girl's second choice. I'd say that if I were in a situation where a girl were dating another guy, it would motivate me to pursue her more -- a quality woman is worth the effort! But I would probably give up after she told me a few times that she wasn't interested in me or was perfectly happy with the relationship she was in.
(This is a perfect lead-in to a question I'm dying to ask women, but I'll save that for later!)
When in a relationship, how much input do you like to get from your girlfriend about how you dress, style your hair, etc.?
I personally would like as much of that as my girlfriend would be willing to give, but that isn't the case for all guys. When you, as women, consider whether or not to give advice to a man on something, the first question you should ask yourself is how much does the man value his competence in this area? If you boyfriend spends a lot of time on his clothes, hairstyle, etc and takes pride in his fashion/style abilities, then he will probably be very hurt if you offer unasked-for suggestions, since you are implying his efforts aren't good enough and he is incompetent.
What types of physical affection are you personally comfortable with before marriage (no need to be explicit here)?
Hugging, light kissing, cuddling, but purity above all else. I don't want a bunch of near-misses where my fiance and I almost have sex or otherwise go right up to the limit -- that's missing the point of purity. Why tempt ourselves beyond what we might be able to bear?
How do you prefer to handle paying for things when dating or in a relationship (i.e. pay for her always, go dutch, trade off, etc.)? How do you feel when you pay?
I prefer to pay. It makes me feel good -- as though I am giving her a gift and getting an opportunity to be the gentleman. Some women seem to think that they have to pay occasionally because she and the guy are Equals Now™. I think this is ridiculous. Girls, let the guy pay! We like taking care of you; it's our job and we get a lot of satisfaction and pleasure from doing it.
Would you prefer a woman to have more, less, or the same amount of experience as you in terms of relationships, physical affection, and dealing with the opposite sex in general?
I would prefer less or the same. It is easier to be the leader when you feel you have more wisdom about relationships -- earned by experience -- than your partner. Then there's the comparison factor; if a woman has a lot of experience with men who were also experienced, an inexperienced man may be concerned about whether or not he compares favorably with the men in the woman's past (although this is probably merely an insecurity problem on the man's part). Finally, it might bother a guy if he has gone to a lot of effort to maintain his purity but the woman has been careless with hers (but see the section on forgiveness later).
On the other hand, there are some positive aspects to "more experienced" women; they are generally much more mature and aware of relational issues. This can be a great asset to a less-experienced man, if he learns to value the woman's input instead of resenting it.
When you are interested in or involved with someone, how much do you want/need to know about her past relationships?
I want to know everything about those relationships that she feels still has an effect on us in our relationship. And I _don't_ want her to feel that she has to tell me everything up front, especially concerning actions she isn't proud of, has repented of, and been forgiven for. Those things need not be brought up until later (i.e. shortly before/after engagement) and even then only if she feels that they still affect things in the present. If God has forgiven her and declared her to be just as righteous as before, I want to treat her the same way He does.
Excluding things she is not comfortable sharing, though, I want to know just about everything: why did you like him? what made you break up? did he treat you well? what things did he do for you that you really liked? what did he do that you didn't like? what did you learn about yourself during your relationship with him?
I'd say this: balance how much you tell a guy with the level of your current involvment with him, and use your own judgement.
At what point do you feel it is appropriate to tell a woman that you love her?
While I'm probably a little too casual about applying that word to ordinary things, if it's used in a romantic context, it seems meaningless unless there is some kind of commitment to back it up. Love is more than feelings. If I have feelings for a woman, I may like her, but only in a committed relationship of some sort do I get to say that I've made the decision to love her.
Do you think about marriage?
Yes, I do. I think a lot of guys do. But because girls tend to take any tiny indication that a guy has that thought as a sign that he's made up his mind, guys tend to keep their thoughts about marriage to themselves so she doesn't get her hopes up or start planning a wedding.
Do guys enter into exclusive dating relationships with the hope/ultimate goal of marriage?
That depends on the guy. I would enter an exclusive dating relationship only with the hope or ultimate goal of marriage. I do know guys, however, who think this is an unnecessarily serious approach; they enter exclusive dating relationships with no thought of marriage to have fun, learn more about themselves and women, etc.
How long would you want to know your future wife before asking her to marry you?
Ideally? I'd say the longer the better, but at least a year.
Do you feel that there is a certain age by which you should be married, and after which you think your chances at marriage will decrease?
I would like to be married or engaged before I'm 30, although I do not think my chances of marriage will significantly decrease until I'm past 40. I think there's a reason that the Bible uses the phrase "the wife of your youth;" many aspects of marriage are easier for young people. You have more youthful energy, optimism, and idealism to fuel you during the inevitable struggles, and you and your partner have more pliable personalities. Change is harder the older you get, and marriage brings a lot of big changes.
How big of an age difference do you feel is acceptable between two people in a serious relationship or marriage? What is the largest age difference (older or younger) you've had with someone you were involved with?
That's difficult to answer. Age differences are more significant at some points in life than others (e.g. a 5 year difference between 15 and 20 is gigantic compared to one at 30 and 35), and maturity level is a much bigger issue than raw age. I'd raise my eyebrows a little at anything over 10 years in either direction.
A lot of women write letters to their future husbands. Do you think this is a nice idea, or is it weird and/or scary that they're writing to strangers?
I think it's a really nice idea. If, after I got married, I discovered that my wife had written me a lot of letters before she even knew me, I would feel incredibly special, wanted, appreciated, and all other kinds of feelings guys like to have. Who wrote this? Are you available?
What traits in your mother do you think you would like to find in the woman you marry?
Traits I want to find: She is a godly woman and has an intimate relationship with Christ and an excellent knowledge of the Word. She is extremely intelligent. She is easy talk to and discuss things with. She submits to my father's leadership. She is a great, consistent mother. She shows good judgement on when and how to apply discipline. She makes wise decisions about finances. She is sensitive to her children's feelings, but not too soft with them. She is skilled at cooking, cleaning, and other household tasks. She is neat and organized. She is disciplined and makes the right choice even if it isn't the one she likes best.